Some thoughts from the other day

I want something simple, something easy, something real. I've had to work at things for too long, I want something effortlessly amazing. I felt that I could have that with someone. I didn't understand his reservations & holding back. I wanted to knock some sense into his brain. I thought he was thinking about things too much. I wanted him to just go with it, experience it. I thought, "Why hold back in life? You only get one change at it."

I've realized since then that his reservations are more realistic than my feelings. I'm glad he has them, because I now feel the same way he does. Neither one of us are ready for that at this point in our lives. We have to much to grow, to experience, to learn about ourselves.

When I have a connection with people, it frustrates me when that connection is denied or postponed or not nutured. That applies to anyone in my life.

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. That has never applied to me. I always realize how great something is & fully appreciate it.

I've never lost faith in love.

Who I am, Who I'm not, & Who I want to be.

Why'd you have to wait? You found me.

There are some qualities that I posses that I am trying to mature from & discard: overeagerness, I fall too hard, too fast; childish tendencies: when I want something I have to have it, now.

I have realized that I am a very open person, with practically everyone. The person that I would really like to be with is pretty much the complete opposite. Is it bad to be so open with people?
Does that cause me to trust people too easily? Too quickly? What does cause that, if not my openness?

Do I need to move?

There have been a few things that have been weighing on my mind over the past few weeks. Things that only involve me, my God's will for my life, & my future.

I feel that God is leading me to do a YWAM DTS somewhere far away from home, for at least a 6 month period of time. Lord, take me out of my comfort; teach me, lead me, strengthen me, help me do great things in your name.

Lyrics from Revelation from Third Day that express my hearts yearning: Tell me, should I stay here? Or do I need to move?..Won't you show me where to go...

I have been considering going into ministry for about 3 years now. I finally made up my mind this past year that I will no longer fight my calling, but to interpret it. I feel that I am meant for missionary work. Possibly something involving China or Vietnam, or other places that Christianity is against the law & persecuted. I want to make a difference to the struggling Christians there & be a part of growing their faith & their underground church so that maybe some day it doesn't have to hidden & persecuted.I also feel that eventually I will be in pastoral ministry.

I long for these things with every bone in my body. I am considering dropping my whole life & everything I have here after this semester & heading out to start my journey with a distant DTS. Heading out of town, away from everything & everyone I know, to things & places & people greater than me.

Christians sacrifice their personal dreams for God's will. My will is finally becoming aligned with God's. Praise the Lord.