You create music in my heart.

Current mood: chill
What is it that I feel for you?
There are facets of single life that are not enjoyable.
Currently I am fully enjoying my pink lemonade flavor.
You hold me without touch, keep me without chains. Never wanted anything so much. Than to drown in your love & not feel your rain. Love me cuz I'm fragile & I thought that I was strong. Well you touch me for a little while, all my fragile strenght is gone. I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that your everythign I need here on the ground. Your neither friend nor foe. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.
I desperately want to go to the following shows:
Paramore & No Doubt-for paramore
jacks mannequin-any of the upcoming ones
Incubus-im dying to (my sec fav band)
Pointfest-tons of great bands this year.
DMB-already have my ticket, baby.
That's all I can think of ATM.

I will figure this out on my own. But how did we get here? I used to know you so well.
There is something I see in you. It may kill me.
Please, have mercy on me.
All I wanted to feel. All I wanted to do was fall in love outright. I wanted to feel, I wanted to love.
You take me 10 feet off the ground. You tell me that you need me, then you go & cut me down. Tell me that your sorry, didn't think I'd turn around.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you

It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead


You start to wonder why you're 'here' not 'there'
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need

There’s someone I’ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me.They’re in their own place trying to make it right, But I’m tired of justifying So i say to you..Come home,Come home Cause I’ve been waiting for you For so long, For so long.And right now there's a war between the vanities. But all i see is you and me. The fight for you is all I’ve ever known So come home

So much of my life, what I'm feeling, where I've been, Whatever shoes up in life can be found in your lyrics.

I never planned for this, never expected this.

Across the universe will always seem across the universe to me.
I have lived many lifetimes in my lifetime.
You wonder what makes me go? You wonder what makes me move? You wonder what makes me change?

Your last request.

The qualities I'm looking for in a man. This isn't all of it, but it's a lot of things. Here goes:

Someone who-

• knows who they are.
• uses their abilities and interests for God's will.
• open to change-scenery change might be a large part of my life.
• who will be my knight in shining armour to save me from myself & from the world & a lifetime alone & from sadness; even when I feel like I don't need anyone.
• is okay being alone & likes spending some alone time.
• will travel with me.
• will kill the bugs, snakes, rodents when they freak me out.
• enjoys helping other people & does it frequently.
• donates: money, time, effort, etc.
• can support me when I'm down, depressed, sad, when I want to pursue my dreams.
• has short term & long term goals & re-evaluates them frequently enough & periodically.
• will go on drives with me.
• is okay with silence between us when we are together.
• is open & blunt & yet respectful.
• prefers not to fight, but to discuss issues & works on things & takes to heart the effort that I feel is needed from him on my behalf.
• will take me out on date night even when we are knee-deep in kids & stress & will just spend time with me & on me & money on me.
• feels I'm worth it. Whatever "it" is.
• is a Christian, strong in his faith & always trying to grow.
• will pray with me & for me.
• will pray with me @ meals.
• wants to have children with me.
• is open to adoption-because I want to adopt.
• will move me to further contemplation, who will provoke further thought & expansion of ideas.
• challenges me & helps me grow.
• wants to grow alongside me.
• doesn't believe in divorce in the same way that I don't.
• wants to change the world: one act, one service at a time.
• will go on mission trips with me.
• is secure enough to be okay with me discussing him, joking about him in sermons.
• isn't intimidated about me being a minister, but who LOVES that about me.
• will be as adventurous, explorative, excited, & open as I am & with me.
• loves meeting & getting to know new people.
• will cook for me.
• surprises me occassionally with fun events & things I like.
• will learn a language with me.
• will follow me anywhere in the world where I feel like I'm meant to be.
• is humble & who is not vain & tries to remind himself to be humble.
• will dance with me & sing with me.
• likes a variety of music.
• trusts me & doesn't get jealous about my guy friends.
• is a charmer, a sweet talker.
• will never stop pushing me in the right direction.
• will take on challenges with me.
• is an active member of a church.
• will sing to me.
• knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
• loves my family & whose family I can love.
• who is proud to have me @ his side & to show me off.
• will be silly with me.
• makes me laugh.
• will teach me things.
• will cry for me & to me.

That is all for now.

My Prayer courtesy of Sara Bareilles (Gravity)

Current mood:solomn


Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here
'til the moment I'm gone.


You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love
and not feel your rain.



Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment
into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.


You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone.


Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall
another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.


I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think I need
here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know
is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down.


You're on to me and all over.
Something always brings me back to you,
it never takes too long.

After the Late Knight Drive

Current mood: exhausted

Blog I meant to post last night:..


This morning, on the radio I heard Deftones for the first time since Tyler & I broke up. It didn't make me sad. That excited me. I've made leeway.

It amazes me how drastically people can change from what who you thought they were.

I cannot force things. That's not me. In my own way, in my own time life will be.

Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?

I've been in this place before, things don't turn out as we expect, predict, or even want.

You will be hurt in the process.

I wore my hair straight tonight. I miss it.

Some random facts about me:
I love art. At one point I considered going into Art History, I even wanted to become a curator for an Art Museum.

I love to read. Some of my favorite authors in no particular order: Stephanie Meyer, C.S. Lewis, J.K. Rowling, Janet Evanovich, Dan Brown, Jane Austen, Tony Jones.

I plan to become a Christian minister. I'm not big on denominations, but it'll most likely go through American Baptist Churches, basically because that's what I was raised as. For my Masters in Divinity I plan to go to Northern Baptist Theological Seminary in Lombard, IL. I am currently undecided where I want to get my bachelors & in what. On the road to that, I would like to do a "Youth With A Mission" "Discipleship Training School".I want to move from IL, I've wanted that for a very long time now. I'm highly considering The University of the Nations. I just need to find out if the degrees they offer will be accredited & if NBTS will accept their degrees. If so...I'm ready to leave tomorrow if I can get in. I want to spend a good portion of my life doing mission work in the name of my Savior.

I've become an insomniac. I very much do not like that.

I have very vivid dreams, very often. I love to discuss dreams.

I am scared of myself more than anyone else or anything else. Only my actions, beliefs, feelings, only I can determine where I spend my eternity.

I have lost trust in people in general within the past few months. Several of the people closest to me have hurt me drastically. I don't like the effect it has had on me.

I was on the varsity bowling team in high school all four years. I miss bowling.

I have a theory about schizophrenia.

I feel a very strong connection to the spiritual realm.

I really hate it when people take advantage of me.

If only I could win the lottery. Oh the good things I would do for people in this world.

I am not afraid to die. I am very excited about it actually. I want to spend eternity with my Savior outside of this physical world. Lately this has caused me to develop a fixation with the process of dying, the moments when it happens.

I think radio stations aren't original enough. They play the same songs by the same bands, over & over until you hate the songs. It's annoying.

I am a cereal fanatic.

I still sleep with my teddy bear, Bear Bear. He knows me just like Lady does, just like God does. A part of me is in each of them. Just as I have left a part of my soul with Jordan & with Tyler. I will cry & be completely devastated when Lady dies, if I ever lose Bear Bear.

I prefer to be friends with guys rather than girls. For the most part, they are more simple.

I need a new DVD player. Mine broke months ago. Coincidently I don't get to enjoy as many movies alone anymore.

Within the past few months, I've slightly taken up the hobby of scrapbooking. I like it because it makes me feel more girly, because it's something that you can see a cool result from, & because it gives me time to think.

I don't really dance around other people. I am very insecure in this area. I just feel like a dumb white girl with no rhythm.

I am jealous of people who sing well, dance well, draw/paint well.

That is all for now.