Tuesday: Work. Class. Home. Short relaxation. Procrastination. Homework & William. Sleep.
Wednesday: Work. Class. Work. Homework. Class. William. Sleep.
Thursday: Work. Class. Home. Short relaxation. Homework & William. Sleep.
Friday: Work. Class. Work. Relaxation with William. Sleep.
Saturday: Occasional sleeping in. Laying around the house. Feeling like crap from procrastinating doing more homework. Occassional scrapbooking. Friends/Family/and/or William. Sleep Sunday: most likely on sound so Church at 9:20-12:30ish. Lunch. Nap/Homework. Meeting. Youth Group. Homework. Sleep.
All the above= a lot of: Exhaustion. Busyness. School. Homework. Work. Frustration. Worry. Anxiety. Slight depression. Church. God. Peacefulness. Bill. Happiness. Love. Adventure. Good Anxious. Guilt. Loneliness.
Things that consume my life since the new semester has begun.
I am getting worn out. I don't know how much more I can take. Why did I think I could do 5 classes at once, especially when most of the semesters I've barely finished 2? I am too busy outside of school alone, to make it possible for me to be on track. I haven't been on track since the semester started. Now I'm beginning which ones of my classes I will actually pass. It's depressing thinking that I may/possibly/probably still not have my associates after this semester. Even if I don't have it, if SIUE will take me, I'm going there next semester. I'm sick of feeling like a failure here.
On to more positive notes.
- I've been feeling a deeper/better connection with God. I have been making better efforts towards that. That warms my soul.
- William, and my relationship with him, is much more wonderful and intense than either one of us could have anticipated. We feel like God has brought us together and that makes things very pleasant and blessed. We are trying to better ourselves and each other and do a pretty good job of keeping each other accountable. Example: Bill has helped me to stop cussing. He doesn't like it when people cuss around him and he had really wanted me to stop. I admit that I had gotten out of hand with it, with the friends I was hanging around with, it had become just a regular part of my speech and I found that when I was trying to be more Christ centered, some times it was hard not to cuss just because I was so used to it. There wasn't any particular reason for my doing so, cussing that is. Just habit I guess. It was a nasty habit though and even I, myself, had started to realize all that, especially when I started dating William. Anyway I find now that I barely say one cuss word every couple days whereas before I may have said one or thought one every couple minutes when I messed up, got frustrated, was in a hurry, got mad or something of that nature. He said to me just the other day that it had been hard for him to picture me as a minister. He was the only one who had ever said that to me, but I know for a fact that he's not the only person who has thought that. He followed by saying that it had gotten easier for him to grasp the concept because of my improvements over the last month & a half. He sees me being more Christ-like, which I've been making a lot of effort towards-but as I am human-sometimes it's a slow process. He said you don't drink to get drunk, and if you do drink at all it's one here and there every once in a blue moon. He said you've basically stopped cussing, with a few exceptions here and there. He gave some other reasons but I honestly can't remember right now.
This is all I can think of to write about right now. It's been good to get some things off my mind. If I have the time I'm going to try to blog more often.
No comments:
Post a Comment