After the Late Knight Drive

Current mood: exhausted

Blog I meant to post last night:..


This morning, on the radio I heard Deftones for the first time since Tyler & I broke up. It didn't make me sad. That excited me. I've made leeway.

It amazes me how drastically people can change from what who you thought they were.

I cannot force things. That's not me. In my own way, in my own time life will be.

Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?

I've been in this place before, things don't turn out as we expect, predict, or even want.

You will be hurt in the process.

I wore my hair straight tonight. I miss it.

Some random facts about me:
I love art. At one point I considered going into Art History, I even wanted to become a curator for an Art Museum.

I love to read. Some of my favorite authors in no particular order: Stephanie Meyer, C.S. Lewis, J.K. Rowling, Janet Evanovich, Dan Brown, Jane Austen, Tony Jones.

I plan to become a Christian minister. I'm not big on denominations, but it'll most likely go through American Baptist Churches, basically because that's what I was raised as. For my Masters in Divinity I plan to go to Northern Baptist Theological Seminary in Lombard, IL. I am currently undecided where I want to get my bachelors & in what. On the road to that, I would like to do a "Youth With A Mission" "Discipleship Training School".I want to move from IL, I've wanted that for a very long time now. I'm highly considering The University of the Nations. I just need to find out if the degrees they offer will be accredited & if NBTS will accept their degrees. If so...I'm ready to leave tomorrow if I can get in. I want to spend a good portion of my life doing mission work in the name of my Savior.

I've become an insomniac. I very much do not like that.

I have very vivid dreams, very often. I love to discuss dreams.

I am scared of myself more than anyone else or anything else. Only my actions, beliefs, feelings, only I can determine where I spend my eternity.

I have lost trust in people in general within the past few months. Several of the people closest to me have hurt me drastically. I don't like the effect it has had on me.

I was on the varsity bowling team in high school all four years. I miss bowling.

I have a theory about schizophrenia.

I feel a very strong connection to the spiritual realm.

I really hate it when people take advantage of me.

If only I could win the lottery. Oh the good things I would do for people in this world.

I am not afraid to die. I am very excited about it actually. I want to spend eternity with my Savior outside of this physical world. Lately this has caused me to develop a fixation with the process of dying, the moments when it happens.

I think radio stations aren't original enough. They play the same songs by the same bands, over & over until you hate the songs. It's annoying.

I am a cereal fanatic.

I still sleep with my teddy bear, Bear Bear. He knows me just like Lady does, just like God does. A part of me is in each of them. Just as I have left a part of my soul with Jordan & with Tyler. I will cry & be completely devastated when Lady dies, if I ever lose Bear Bear.

I prefer to be friends with guys rather than girls. For the most part, they are more simple.

I need a new DVD player. Mine broke months ago. Coincidently I don't get to enjoy as many movies alone anymore.

Within the past few months, I've slightly taken up the hobby of scrapbooking. I like it because it makes me feel more girly, because it's something that you can see a cool result from, & because it gives me time to think.

I don't really dance around other people. I am very insecure in this area. I just feel like a dumb white girl with no rhythm.

I am jealous of people who sing well, dance well, draw/paint well.

That is all for now.