- Lee headed back for Afghanistan & as of last night we knew he got there. Please pray for his safety & the safety of the men around him.
- Ryan, the guy I've been seeing for a few weeks, left for California for a work project that could take up to a few months....I miss him :(
- One of my new best friends, Percy, who I'd just started getting kinda close with, has started ditching me. I'm not really sure what that's all about exactly. It sorta started when I started seeing Ryan. Percy & I have a bit of a history in the dating department..so I'm not exactly sure what that means, or if that's just a coincidence. I know he has a new friend that he likes hanging out with...I just didn't know I was getting replaced. It makes me mad at him & really sad that I don't get to spend my time with him. We have a lot of fun.
- At the end of the month, I'll be moving back in with my parents. I haven't been doing real well on finances & I don't really have an option to stay where I've been for the last year. I'm sad to leave my home, because that's what it's been. Throughout all the crap & bad living situation with my roommate...it's still been my home. My place of independence. My place of solitude. From now on, until I can get back out on my own again, I won't have some of the freedoms that I enjoy now. I will greatly miss that. I am feeling very much like a failure. I know I'm doing this to save money & to get some debt paid off & to get myself back on track, but it doesn't take that feeling of failing away. The arrangements with my parents are more than fair & I'll actually have more freedom than I expected them to give me, not that I really deserve that since I've wasted a good 3,000 dollars of their money over the last year on school.
- That's another thing...failure. I really really really hate seasonal depression. I failed out of all my classes last semester because of it. This semester was no different...I'm just not sure it had all that much to do with depression. At the beginning it did...but then I was better. I have had no motivation for school in a very long time. I HATE LCCC. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of taking classes that have NOTHING to do with what I want to do with my life. College Gen Eds should not exist. High school graduation standards should be raised, to get all of that requirement out of the way. College should be souly about what field you are going to be going into & specializing in that. If I had my way, I'd be in seminary right now. I've failed me, God, & a lot of people who love me because of school. I'm struggling with knowing whether or not that was meant to be. If Lee wouldn't have done like he did in college, he may have never joined the military & be where he is supposed to be now. I always have believed things happen for a reason. Maybe me screwing up happened for a reason...maybe it's supposed to lead me to something else...I just don't know what.
- A week or so ago I decided I was done being unmotivated & I started exercising my body & mind & soul. I planned an hour of exercise a day & an hour of spiritual time a day. That worked for about three days & then all this crap seemed to hit me at once & I'm back where I was. I HATE feeling like I don't want to do anything...I'm realizing that maybe I am falling back into depression a little bit & this time I need to try & get myself out of it with exercise & things that are healthy for me. I just have to get up & do them.
Anyway, I'm done grouching...I need to get some work done & start thinking more positively. I have many things I'm looking forward to...one of which is InterAct tonight. I love InterAct & all the people in it. I really feel like I have comfort & love & acceptance there. I can't wait to be with all of them this evening & hear about how their weeks & lives are going.
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